Relationships; necessity or option?

A woman's position in a relationship is often ridiculed by society, seeing us as the inferior, submissive 'house wife'. Then there's the other side of society that think there's something wrong with women who aren't 'house wife' material, you know uninterested, independent, bold, someone whose priorities and pursuits do not revolve around men.


It's all a bit too controversial in my opinion. You can't please anyone, but you can definitely be pleased with the decisions you make.

5 Mistakes to Avoid at University

University was a time where a lot of sleepless nights, self-realisation and personal growth occurred. And definitely not in that order. It was a catalyst for experiences that would more or less change my life. Not to say that they define me, but they are and always will be a part of me.

I would like to take a few minutes to explore some of those experiences, and suggest what you could do to ensure you make the most of your university experience (and perhaps not make the mistakes I did!)

1. Find a way to organise your time.

I really can’t stress this enough. Whether you’re old school and prefer a paper journal and a pen like me, or you would rather collate your day in a calendar app, make sure you plan your time. One of my biggest setbacks at university was thinking that as a creative person, a calendar and an organised schedule would get in the way of my projects. It doesn’t. If anything, it makes your projects come to life because you feel like you’ve put in the time and effort to build them.

Regrets were decisions made, keep it moving...

                                                       

 I had to discipline regret.

                                                           Love myself for doing so,

i'm never stuck in the past.

M.O

People often find themselves feeling low, stagnant, guilty as a result of regrets.
It is easy to feel regret and guilt, it is also natural, but too much of it,  is toxic.
Too much regret/guilt can bring about feelings of depression, and worthlessness.

We have to remember that as humans we are fallible, mistakes will be made no matter how excellent/precise you are. It is essential that you are not too hard on yourself because...

regrets were decisions made and you have to keep it moving...


When I would find myself in a moment of regret i'd never think about what could've been better or changed again and again and again...just once over, then act on it if necessary. This was and is my way of dealing with regrets, to not dwell on them, and keep it moving, however there are different types of regret and different steps required.


Bad decisions

I learnt that people who make bad decisions can dwell on this negatively as they have done something wrong. At the end of the day, a bad decision initially may have been perceived as a good decision with good intentions. We cannot control the future, only predict it so instead we can work towards making good out of something bad. How can we move forward? How can you fix the situation to the best of your ability?

Getting to know gratitude

This is probably the best way to overcome regret. Being grateful for what hasn't gone wrong, what other doors can still be opened and the option to fix a situation.

I always use to compare myself to others and their situations but then I realised we are all constructed  oh so differently!



So instead, how about working and moving forwards from regrets/bad decisions ?

It really is a half full/half empty cup situation and only you can decide the stance you take and how this will impact your life...

Not getting the University of your choice

I worked my ass off during A-levels.
I'd study more than eat, relax and everything else. I remember my hair looked so nappy, but nope I needed my grades!


Long story short, I only achieved one grade I was content with being English Literature, and was more or less disappointed with my Economics and French A-Levels.

I knew I had to go through clearing, and I was just in denial, became so pessimistic, and couldn't be bothered. Thought why try with University, I don't test well anymore, and I felt so useless as it was the first time I had received official grades that did not reflect my capabilities.






My sister's were the best supporters God gave me, and told me that
1) This does not determine my future
2) Not being in the place you want, doesn't mean your goals aren't achievable
3) God knows exactly where you are going, and why wherever you go and its experiences are relevant for your development


It's funny the way things worked out...

I initially applied for a French and Economics degree, but had a moment of realisation during the summer that I wanted to teach young children, having worked with them for the past 3 years and realising this is what I love, developing others from young.
Funnily enough, I got an unconditional offer from Birmingham City University to allow me to go down this route, HOWEVER,

Brain-food: reading into existence

                                           So I grew out of reading misery memoirs, thank God.
Instead I've become interested in spiritual books, and motivationals, because they don't make me low, but perceptive and motivated. So here's a lil break down of my 3 favourite/most recommended, and my insight. Much love xo      

Do not waste your talents

Calling all the wonderful people in this world to pick up what they are good at, practice and use it!

When you were younger what sort of things were you into?

Did you have dance classes, music lessons, enter math competitions, love debating/discussing?

Time doesn't heal you. You do.

Whoever said time heals all, lied. Some feelings can never disappear, we are human, not everything can be put to an end...

I'm a believer of doing. What YOU DO, can heal you.

Look at it this way...

A man vs a 'boy'

There is a great disparity between a man and a boy.
And there is a great disparity between maturity and immaturity.
Everyone has great advice, but no one really gives advise that counts, advice that was personal and honest, stripped of their 'perfectness'.

How to change your life with student loan- 5 investments

I wish, I wish, I wish somebody told me that student loan could serve so many purposes. I went to university with the understanding that I had to budget for maintaining myself, accommodation and luxury spending. After hearing about what people have done with their loan, and making my own decisions, I've come to understand that the way you manage your student loan  can positively impact your life. Here are 5 things to investment in, and ideas for you to use, compared to buying the same old alcohol, trainers, clothes, make-up sorta stuff...you know what us students can be like. Hope this helps!

Working for NCS The Challenge; new experiences, making a difference and living a little.

 After my second year of university, I thought, hmm, what am I going to do with my summer.
I wanted to work, yes, but I wanted to do something more me, more fulfilling than retail or tutoring.
My friend told me about NCS-National Citizen Service, The Challenge and I applied for it, went through interview processes and luckily had plans for the summer.

NCS-The Challenge is a government funded programme and an organisation that creates a summer scheme for 15-17 year olds, that aims to develop them for their next steps in life. It allows young people to have a fun time going on trips,  participating in activities, workshops, competitions, going to university halls and meeting a whole new range of people whilst building a skill where a qualified practitioner assists!

It's a shame no one warned me about depression in University...

Growing up I never knew what depression was or what it meant. My mum, however, was depressed, diseased and mentally ill. I didn't understand depression or mental illness so I’d tell friends only 'she has cancer', people knew what that was. I associated 'depression' with sadness and anger, because that's all it looked like. I associated 'mental illness' with craziness, because that was all it looked like, that is all I watched, and unconsciously became subject to. I was not educated on mental health, so I did not know what meant what.

Depression is different for everyone, different feelings, heights, extents...

It resonates darkness and a numbness that makes living feel surreal, and the thought of darkness seem soothing, which our minds grow warmer to, little by little.

Turning what you love into your life; business plan steps...

                                            

I'm convinced that in this day and age, the majority of us would like to work for ourselves, doing what we love. It is difficult not knowing how to take steps to get to this point, we aren't given an instruction booklet on how to. So here are some tips to getting towards your happiness :).


















SET GOALS

Putting thoughts on paper is most definitely underrated. This is in fact where it all starts. In order for your life aspirations to become effective, writing your goals/dreams/targets on paper/down on something, is an affirmation of your passion and determination.

Rumination; fighting depression

What is rumination?


The dictionary defines 'rumination' as deep thought.

The word 'rumination' sounds so complicated, yet it is something that a lot of people, particularly those who are depressed do. To think deeply, increases vulnerability to depression, as the mind dwells on negative situations, and gradually changes a person's overall mindset.
Abela & Hankin (2011) beleive that it is most common for women to ruminate in response to depressed moods, in comparison to men who find alternative ways to distract themselves.

The persistence and deception of the devil

Hello my lovely people :)

This post in particular is to bring light to the ways of the devil, and how we can be led astray/deceived by him.

Growing up in church I think we hear stuff like 'Satan I will conquer you' 'The devil is a liar'

BUT

Getting caught up in all those statements doesn't help/tell us how the devil can affect us, and how easy it is to be deceived in life by the devil. What are these lies? How do I conquer?

So here are some tips, sharing of experiences and love x



1) The belief that because we have God, the devil doesn't exist


In acknowledging the devil, it doesn't mean we have disregarded God. There is a difference between being oblivious and wise. Funnily enough, the devil can have more power over you by thinking he is mere, and non existent, he can trap you without you even knowing it is him.


2) Ungodly thoughts

Joyce Meyer used the example of creating problems that never existed.
Do you get negative voices in your head? Do you jump to negative/bad conclusions? Are you nervous/anxious?

These are not of God, in order to distinguish between God's voice and the devil know this,

God''s voice will bring light or joy into your life & God NEVER makes suggestions.
Someone told me this and it makes a difference considering these points every time you are confused.

3)  (PERSONAL) - If you are sinning your relationship with God needs to stop

I really fed into this from feelings of resentment, inadequacy & self-pity!

Think of it like this, we are human therefore we will sin, does that mean we will never have a relationship with God? No.

As long as our hearts yearn for difference and change, God will forgive us, don't quit, just like you won't quit in other aspects of life!


4) It is fine to think of God lightly

God is more than a thought once a week, and everything being bless. It is a relationship, a friendship, a love. How lighlty do you think of someone you love? 

Don't beat yourself up though, it takes practice, it takes a couple of failed attempts. It is a work in progress.

Things that can help you become better at this is

Phone apps e.g. word for today
Reading your bible
Having conversations with friends about God
Praise and worship

Give these a try!

I hope something is of relevance to you here xx

Writing your own love letter

It's extremely ironic how all the things you are advised on growing up, are of the greatest relevance the older you get.
(Don't convince yourself you're a big somebody, cos life can really give you a bewildering slap in the face lol).


''Take care of your health, eat well.''
''Go to the doctor's if something doesn't feel right.''
''Do not settle or lower your standards for anyone (guys/girls particularly).''
''Choose your circle wisely.''
''Focus on what you decide to pursue (education).''
''Silence them with kindness.''
''Don't hold onto things that don't add to you, or are of value.''

There are so many more aspects of life I could touch on, and so many I ignored trying to rely on my own knowledge which has not been sufficient. Little did I know this is how my love letter started, so hopefully I can now help you write yours...



What your love letter should not include.

Negativity
Anger
Comparison
Self-hate
Poisonous thoughts
Laziness- (towards health, relationships & work ethic)



What does a love letter look like?

Positivity- A love letter looks at herself in the mirror and draws out light.
I use to wake up and welcome in negativity, it was such a disgusting way to start and finish the day. Like waking up wasn't enough, knowing my loved ones were breathing wasn't enough and having an income, an education, living in a place with a roof over my head wasn't enough. Yes, you are a moaner!

It's so easy to let the negative cloud the clear skies, and it's extremely easy to let little problems grow in your mind. It is funny I look back and think of how insignificant people and things are now. Let me not even get into that lol. Waking up saying thank you & being grateful despite of the fight that went on yesterday, or losing your job, or heartbreak is one step further away from negativity. Even if it doesn't instantly make you feel lighter, you just watch and see how habit can become your mindset.

Kindness- People will piss you off, disrespect and be untrustworthy, and it can make you have a messy mind. I use to be so kind, because I saw how my mum lived her life and she was never unkind despite circumstance. And at her funeral I saw what a kind life looked like. In forgiving, loving and being kind to other people you unknowingly love yourself, you take care of your sanity. If you don't like certain people or have been treated badly, leave it to God, and if you don't believe in a 'God' karma usually catches them out haha.